Returning to work after 4 years of being a stay-at-home-dad
3 years ago, back in 2018, we were preparing to say hello to the newest member of the family, our daughter Brin. Since learning of her imminent arrival, Holly and I had been wrestling with the same questions as all trust fund less, expectant parents:
> Who’s going to stay at work and pay the mortgage
> Who’s going to be promoted to CPO (Chief Parental Officer)
> Who deserves sleep the most
We’d moved to the Netherlands 2 years previous and had just completed our DIY house renovation. I was also a few months away from finishing my healthcare design masters degree and was excited to put it to use.
But, life happens, no-one is ever ready to have a baby and after taking stock of our situation, we made the only sensible decision. With no grand-parents or family near by, one of us was going to have to be a full-time carer, at least a couple of years.
And on every measure, that should be me.
I found being a SAHD (stay at home dad) a constant battle between feeling
A) Oh my god this is the hardest thing in the world how does anyone do this and
B) Oh my god I’m so lucky that I get to spend this time with my daughter
(There was rarely an in-between which, in part led to a mental health crisis after 6 months. After some medication and therapy, I’m doing much better now but thats a whole other story).
In between nappies and warming bottles, I tried to advocate for SAHDs. I stated a neighbourhood dads group, guested on podcasts and tried to write about it. The fact there is still stigma around being a SAHD (and yes there really is) is ridiculous.
But now Brin\s getting ready to go to school, and I’m getting ready to go back to work.
The return to work
So when it’s time to starting working again, what do you do.
It’s a pretty well trodden path. I found a few good articles with advice, and a whole organisation and conference who help people return to work. But whilst there’s help, it’s still not easy and people are being left behind.
A 2010 study found that after a carer break, only 73% of highly qualified women who wanted to return to work were able to do so, and only 40% of those landed a regular full-time job.
This situation is crazy.
Anyone who takes time out of their carer to be a full-time carer for a child, elder or whoever, is a hero. It’s an incredibly hard, often thankless job. And the very fact that anyone did all that, and then has the enthusiasm and drive to reenter the workforce should be applauded and supported.
Not to mention the additional skills they’re now bringing to the table. From stress management, to communication, to mutil-tasking. I know I’m a more equipped person than I was before. The range of skills I’ve learnt in the last few years is ridiculous.
> Who can clean a whole house with a tiny human strapped to his chest? This guy.
> Who can keep a calm head whilst being screamed at by a tiny shouting machine? This guy.
> Who can corral a group of 3 year olds to the part, without loose a single one? This guy.
My journey
So how am I returning to work?
Well, I’m breaking the stigma by talking about it. I’m brushing up on my design skills and putting myself out here.
> I’m a experienced, generalist UX Designer and Researcher
> I’m available for part-time projects (around 3 days per week)
> I’m particularly interested in.(and way qualified for) healthcare design projects, but hey, I’ll talk to you about anything right now.
Want a CV? Here you go.
And a portfolio? Right here.
Thanks for reading!
